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De Guam Bombs!

May 28, 2011

From Craigslist.  Note misc racing parts:

90 Toyota Project Truck Misc racing parts installed NOW $700 (was $1000) – OBO call/text 777-XXXX for more information.

  • Location: Umatac
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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Make no mistake of it – the people of Guam make do with less than the average mainlander.  On top of this, the climate is one of the most harsh on Earth – if you’re a motor vehicle, that is.  To add insult to injury, the cost of parts to maintain one’s car is about 40% more than on the mainland.

The result of this stew?

De Guam Bomb!

Requirements for de Guam Bomb:

1. Japanese minitruck (although just about any small car will do)

2.  Spray can paint applied randomly.  Does not have to be the same color as the vehicle; primer and flat black are popular.

3. Aftermarket rims are a must.

4. So is body damage – a testament to the ‘patina’ of your Guam Bomb.

5. Speaking of patina, all collectors know how important it is to maintain the look of age – so one must never wash their Guam Bomb.  This Escort GT from the 90’s sported door stickers advertising a general contracting firm.  One takes it on faith his work is neater than his bomb.

6. Sadly, the parts attached to de Guam Bomb do not always feel appreciated, and some attempt to jump ship.

7. But wait!  De Guam Bomb is not without aesthetic – stickers make de Bomb!  Dis bomb sports a trifecta of aftermarket rims, spray can fender and stickers.  De sticker is carefully ‘adjusted’ to miss de rust on de door:

8. And finally – let’s not forget the misc race parts.  They’re important for de Guam Bomb – even if they’re not properly installed.

Ask any red-blooded hot rodder – traction bars go ahead of the rear axle.  This bomb has to have the best traction of any minitruck in the world…in reverse.

For a guy raised in what was once the Center of the Automotive Universe, these are strange sights indeed.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. May 28, 2011 7:19 am

    It seems I have been driving ‘Da Guam Bomb’ for years and thought it was a ‘Conch Cruiser’.

    • dangerboyandpixie permalink*
      May 28, 2011 11:17 am

      It appears postindustrial cultures have this manifestation of mechanized madness – the act of keeping simple machines on the road past their effective service life. The Cubans have Yank Tanks, the Philippines the Jeepney, Key West has it’s Conch Cruisers, and Guam has de Guam Bomb.

      Yes – considering you’ve aftermarket rims, spray can paintwork and a large parrot on the hood – it would pass for a Guam Bomb. Actually, the Samurai is prized here, for they are converted into boonie crawlers – two feet of lift and 42″ tires complemented by a full body cage. I’ll try to get a picture of one for you.

  2. May 28, 2011 10:51 am

    I live in West Virginia, the epicenter of backwoods hot-rodding.
    And, I have never seen traction bars mounted backwards. Ever.
    It’s obvious that Google is blocked on Guam.

    Greg P. In WV, eating nothing but grilled pork the entire Memorial Day weekend…

    • dangerboyandpixie permalink*
      May 28, 2011 11:19 am

      Greg –

      It freaked me out to see that! the locals aren’t ignorant – they just see the world differently than you or I. thought you might enjoy this – glad you did!

  3. May 28, 2011 11:08 pm

    You are getting into this blogging thing. You should see me strangling myself with my iPad.

    • dangerboyandpixie permalink*
      May 28, 2011 11:39 pm

      I would not have done this without your urging – so thanks!

      My numbers have held rock-solid steady since the start – everyone on the initial invite list appears to be tuning in – and staying tuned in. I’ve pictures and storyboards for the next three weeks laid out.

      My wife spent $200 in long distance phone calls to Apple over the past two days as they did not process her Mobile Me account properly; she lost all her contacts and her calendar for a year. The Pheebs has no short term memory; she needs the calendar to remind herself of things she needs to do. On the plus side – she meets the same new friends every day.

  4. May 31, 2011 2:29 pm

    Okay, am I the only one that doesn’t see the rubber snubbers (God, I love typing those two words together) on the traction bars?
    If they are not there…then what is the engineering thinking going on in the background?
    None, obviously.

    Greg P. In WV, looking to a trip to Key West in order to cool down. I kid you not.

  5. dangerboyandpixie permalink*
    May 31, 2011 3:53 pm

    Sadly – they are there. click on the pic and zoom in.

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